She tweeted that it was the worst day of her life.
They didn’t have her favourite hazelnut soy milk for her latte, and everything was ruined.
She singlehandedly spawned the phrase “first world problems,” And people started saying, “Check your privilege” all the damned time.
She was aware of her privilege, of course, and thought it would be funny to exaggerate the tragedy of a morning coffee gone slightly wrong.
It was meant to be ironic, but some people don’t see the humour in angry rants about insignificant events in daily life.
They are focused only on important matters. For example, they worry about what God people send their prayers, what kind of sex people are enjoying, and whether people have acceptable clothing to match their very real genitals.
We mustn’t be distracted by the insignificance of coffee.
Nobody really liked Connor’s poetry,
anyway. It didn’t really even seem like
poetry. It just seemed like someone
rambling around trying to tell a story
the way Connor did every time we
tried to get a cup of coffee with him.
Anyway, he said that’s what he wanted
from his poetry was for it to sound real
natural like he was just talking to his readers,
and he figured he had a few things he
wanted to say and what better way to say
a few things than in the context of a poem?
But honestly no one ever knew what he was
going on about because he just sort of
started talking and then went around in
circles for a little while with no kind of
point that anyone could see. And instead
of an ending, he’d just sort of trail off.
Please be advised that all characters
Appearing in this work are fictional.
Any similarity to real people,
Alive or dead (even you)
Is purely coincidental.
The author wishes to assure the reader
That he gives you nary a thought
Since his last work was released to
The general public.
In fact, the author never thinks of you,
Except when he smells someone wearing
He did think he heard you last week
When he bumped into someone with the
Exact same laugh,
But that is just the mind
Playing tricks on itself
And has no real significance.
The author wishes to assure his
Audience that he has abandoned
The use of muses,
And relies on his own imagination
For all the intrigue, conquest, and
Psychopathic machinations that
Appear in his stories, poems, and songs.
He would appreciate your
Trust and confidence
On this matter and
Sincerely apologises for any
Embarrassment or inconvenience
He may have caused.